Young children don’t always have the words to explain what they need or how they feel. Instead, behavior becomes their way of communicating. 

The goal isn’t to label behavior as “good” or “bad,” but to pause and ask what a child might be telling us. When we look at behavior this way, we’re better able to respond with understanding instead of reacting out of frustration.

Clues to What Your Child May Be Communicating

• Crying or meltdowns
  → A clue that your child feels overwhelmed or doesn’t yet have the tools to cope.

• Hitting, yelling, or throwing
  → A clue that big feelings are present, but words or strategies are limited.

• Shutting down or withdrawing
  → A clue that your child may feel unsure, overstimulated, or in need of safety.

• Refusing or saying “no”
  → A clue that your child may be seeking control, predictability, or clarity.

Want a simple reminder you can keep handy?

Download the Big Feelings Clue Card to keep a simple behavior decoder handy. 

These clues aren’t signs of intentional misbehavior — they’re part of how children communicate while emotional skills are still developing.